Referal - At Last!

Well, back on 17 November 2011, we were asked if we would consider adopting two sisters with special needs. I wrote about this in our blog back on 20 November. We requested Neydali (age 6) and Carolina (age 9) on 21 November. On 7 December, the authorities (ICBF) in Medellin met to consider this request. At that time they approved for us to become the adoptive parents of Neydali and Carolina!!! They then spent the next 20 days gathering medical records and other documents to put together our referral document. Our referral was received by Children’s Hope International earlier this week. It took a few days, but the entire packet was translated into English- all 90 plus pages of information. This is the most extensive referral packet we have heard of. Everything we have read has served to reinforce in our hearts that these are the girls God has intended for us every since He knit them together in their mother’s womb. In our hearts and through our eyes, we see them as perfectly perfect. We hope you see them through the same lens and hope you rejoice with us.


As we enter into the sanctity of life month, I cannot help but reflect on what God has been teaching me about the value of life over the last couple of years. So often as Christians, we think about the sanctity of life only as it relates to abortion. God has impressed upon my heart that the idea of being prolife is so much bigger than just standing against abortion. Being prolife means to embrace all life in whatever form or fashion God chooses to call it into existence. He does not make mistakes. All of His handiwork is perfect and suited to the purpose for which He has intended it.

God began to awaken in me through the gift of my son Isaiah that what the world may see as flawed He sees as perfect. God does not view things as man sees them, and He calls us to see His people through His eyes. I have often failed in this throughout my life. As we began to identify some of the medical concerns that Isaiah will face, God reminded me He intentionally created Isaiah just the way he is. In the eyes of Isaiah’s daddy and his Heavenly father, Isaiah IS perfectly created. God has great purpose for this little man of mine- Isaiah lives with more joy and enthusiasm than most people I know. As I awakened to these things God brought back to my mind some of the prayers I had offered in my earlier years as a father. And I was so ashamed. I recall always praying that my biological children would be born without spot or blemish. I think we have all prayed that our children would be born 10 tiny toes and 10 tiny fingers- no medical issues. Now these are not necessarily “bad” prayers. But…. My shame comes in the realization that in my own mind and heart, I defined perfection for God and then demanded that He give it to me- nothing more nothing less. My error is in daring to define perfection for the God and Creator of the Universe rather than trusting Him to define perfection and wait patiently for Him to bless me according to His perfect plans for my life. I am beginning to see a little more clearly now.

In my renewed view of life, I can recognize that God creates nothing but perfection, and that He creates for His intended purposes. My God and Savior has created Neydali and Carolina exactly as they are and He has great purpose for them. Betty and I count ourselves most fortunate that He has chosen us to steward them on His behalf. It will be our great privileged to love and nurture them and watch as God uses them to bear much fruit for His own glory. It will be our great privilege to teach them about the great love of Jesus. We ache for the day we will welcome them into our family.

We will return our acceptance of the referral on Monday. The process has changes somewhat since our first Colombian adoption. The process is now much slower. It will take us 8 to 12 weeks to leave the US to meet our new daughters. As we move forward, we covet your continued prayers. We will be able to post pictures in another 4 to 6 weeks.

Here are some specific ways you can pray:



1) For everything to come together administratively so that we can travel.

2) Safety while there. Jim can only stay two weeks this time. Betty and Katie will remain the rest.

3) God's provisioning for our remaining costs. There are still several cost we are praying about and trusting God for. Pray for Him to provision for these needs in such a way He will receive all of the Golry.

4) Transportation- we currently have a 12 passenger van. With the new girls, there will be 14 of us still living at home. We pray that God will provide a 15 passenger van or a small bus. This is our greatest need at this point. We ask you to pray and to ask your churches, families and friends to pray for this. We trust that God is able, and that the prayers of the righteous availeth much!

God Bless,

Jim

Pictures

Happy Birthday Joshua

Joshua Turned 13 yesterday. On Friday night, we had a gathering of men to welcome him as he begins to transition into biblical manhood.  Several men came to gether to give him encouragement and challenges for the journey. I appreciate everyone who came to stand beside him. Here are the words I spoke to my son:

Joshua,

Tonight is a special night. All of these men and their sons have come together tonight to offer you words of encouragement and challenges for you to consider as you begin your transition from boyhood into Biblical manhood. Tonight does not make you a man, but it does put you on notice that you are no longer a boy. Tonight starts your journey, by hearing all these words you can begin to discern for yourself what it means to be a Godly man. Because you belong to Christ and have been redeemed by His blood, all of us here tonight can accept nothing less from you than that you become the man God created you to be and fulfill the purpose He has created you for. It has been said that to whom much is given, much is expected. Because of Christ Jesus you have been given a place in heaven, a seat at His banquet table, the underserved gift of eternal life in the very presence of the Creator of the universe. My son, I expect much of you in light of the immeasurable riches you have been given in Christ.

In days gone by, boys like you dreamed of becoming a knight. To become a knight a boy passed through stages to earn Knighthood. Once becoming a knight, the man was expected to swear his allegiance to his king, commit himself to an honorable life, and service to the kingdom. I want you to view this night as your first step towards becoming a knight of King Jesus. A knight is a warrior, a man who is prepared to lay down his life for others and for his cause. You are called as a knight of King Jesus to put on the full armor of God. It says in Ephesians 6:10-17

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God,

Joshua, you come from a linage of warriors. Eight generations before you, Mitchell fought in the American Revolution. Five generations before you James Monroe  fought in the American Civil war on the side of the south at 17 years old. Three generations ago, Wesley entered World War I as an American Doughboy. Two generations before you, both your grandfathers served in Vietnam. Three of my mom’s brothers served in World War II, one in the British Navy and her twin brothers Sylvester and Thomas in the Canadian Army. Sylvester watched his twin brother die in the twisted barb wire on a lonely battlefield in Europe. You know that I served in the Army for 20 years, my only brother in the Air Force for 17 years. His son has served in Iraq and is now in Afghanistan. Your brother in law James has recently returned from Qatar. You come from a linage of warriors, but this is not the sort of warrior that I challenge you to be. I call on you to commit yourself to be a spiritual warrior for Christ. Before you, you see the trappings of a warrior. The boots, the shield, the flak jacket, the helmet and the sword are the visual representations of a warrior’s preparation for battle. But in Ephesians Chapter 6 you will find the things you need to prepare yourself to be a knight of the true King. I challenge to put on full armor of God:

Stand Firm
Gird your loins with truth
Put on the breastplate of righteousness
Shod your feet with the Gospel of Peace
Take up the shield of faith
Take the helmet of salvation
Take the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God

If you do these things you will be fully prepared to battle as a Knight of King Jesus.

Also before you tonight is a quiver of arrows. Warriors require weapons and fellow warriors in the faith. This quiver is mine. It is a visual representation of Psalm 127 which reads:

1Unless the LORD builds the house,those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain. 2It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. 3Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. 4Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. 5Blessed is the manwho fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
I’d like to reflect tonight on verses 4 and 5 - children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them.

For many years I had an inadequate understanding of these verses. My view had been that the point was to fill my quiver and be blessed. I have recently come to understand that the reason a warrior has arrows is to is not to rejoice in the fullness of the quiver, but rather the warrior has arrows to shoot at and kill his enemy. Joshua, you are one of my arrows. I have tried to live my life as a Knight of the King. Any victories I am proud of are only those won for our God and Savior. Notice one of the arrows in the quiver has your name on it. Also notice that one fletching is white and two are black. These colors were deliberately chosen. The first black fletching I chose to represent the first Adam who allowed sin into the world and brought to each of us spiritual death and a need for redemption. The second black fletching represents you my son. You were born into this world under the blackness of sin, loved of God, but in need of a savior. The white fletching has two meanings. First, the white fletching represents the second Adam who is Jesus. He is the perfect sacrifice for our sins - yours and mine. Because of that sacrifice, the white fletching also represents you - now that you are in Christ. He has made you white as snow.

This night is meant to be about you, so why have I brought MY quiver here tonight? Because tonight as you begin your transition into manhood, I as your warrior father draw an arrow from my quiver. You are the arrow, tonight I nock your arrow and draw back my bowstring and take aim with all that you will become and fire you at the enemy. God did not put you in my quiver merely for my pleasure, but for His purpose that is your life. He has allowed me to keep you in my quiver until you were needed for the battle. That need is now here, it is your time to join the ranks of spiritual warriors. It is your time hone your warrior skills and complete the journey started here towards the goal of becoming a Knight. As I draw back my bow I can only aim you at the target of Godly manhood. As I let you fly you must fly true to the mark and plunge deeply into the heart of the enemy. You have much ground to cover before you complete your flight. As I said earlier, a warrior needs weapons and also fellow warriors in the fight.

All of these men who have challenged you tonight are your fellow Knights of King Jesus. We are all gathered here because we commit to help you grow as a warrior and are determined to help you fly true to your mark. Alone a warrior is venerable, but together we are very strong. Each warrior must stand in his place in the battle line. This means we all have unique talents and gifts from God that we are to use for victories in His name not in our name. Each of us must stand in our place on the battle line and defeat the enemy who is directly in front of us. If any of us as warriors fail, then the battle line is breached and the enemy may flood through the gap and wreak havoc behind the lines where our families are. Tonight we challenge you to stand your place and fight for your King by the life you will lead. Joshua son of James, do you commit to become a Knight of the King?

In light of your answer, I have three gifts for you. The first gift is a journal I have been writing for you over the last two years. In it are the things I want you to remember about the journey to biblical manhood. It is written in my own hand and is my love letter to you my son. I have embossed on the cover Joshua son of James. Second, I have for you the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. I have chosen a study bible for you – spend much time in the Word and it will keep you sharp and battle ready. I have embossed the cover your name Joshua. Lastly, I have a gift that is intended to always remind you that you are destined to be a Knight of King Jesus. The last gift is an Army Officer’s sword which will be your visual reminder that you are a knight of King Jesus.

Son I love you and wish all the best of God’s blessings for you.

Medellin Bound

Last Friday, we received a call from Nichole. She had been made aware of a sibling group  of two girls in Medellin and asked if would we be interested. But first...

We have prayed that God would send to us children that are hard to place, children that might face a long wait for their forever family. Our twins were children such as this, several states were searched before God brought them to us. Many families turned down Makenzie and Isaiah- we believe God closed all these hearts because He intended them for us. That He desired to give Betty and I the desire of our hearts times two!

We prayed that we would return to Colombia to welcome two girls that needed our family. God answered this prayer by bringing to us two special needs girls in Medellin. Two girls who are created perfectly in His image needing both the love of a forever family and the love of Jesus. We hope to be able to give them both.

On Monday we received 47 pages of case study for 6 and 9 year old sisters. We will not be allowed to give their names yet nor will we be able to post pictures for a while- sorry- hopefully this gives you something to look forward to! The 6 year old has a cleft pallet and has had 3 surgeries to correct this. She will need at least a couple of more surgeries to resolve her cleft pallet and then quite a bit of speech therapy. The 9 year old girl was born with hip displasia. She has had surgery but the hip problem remains far from resolved. She also has an undetermined problem with her right knee and foot. We expect to work through several surgeries with her when we get her home.

They have not yet been given to us as an actual referral. After reviewing the case study on Monday, we clearly felt God calling us to reach out to them. We sent a specific request to ICBF on Tuesday asking to adopt them. Now, Colombia will have to review our request and then join it together with our dossier. Our dossier is currently in the Bogota regional office. ICBF must recall it from that region and then send the dossier to the Medellin regional office-  then we can be given the official referral letter. At this point, we don't know how long all of this will take, but we think best case we would travel by mid February. And so ....  when Nichole asked us what we thought about this potential adoption, we wasted no time in telling her YES, YES and YES.

We know these are the girls God has intended for us, and pray you will rejoice with us.

God Bless,
Jim

We strongly covet your prayers as we move forward. Here are some specific ways you can pray:

1) For everything to come together administratively so that we can travel.
2) Safety while there. Jim can only stay two weeks this time. Betty an Katie will remain the rest.
3) God's provisioning for our remaining costs.
4) Transportation- we currently have a 12 passenger van. With the new girls, there will be 14 of us still living at home. We pray that God will provide a 15 passenger van or a small bus. This is our greatest need at this point. We ask you to pray and to ask your churches, families and friends to pray for this. We trust that God is able, and that the prayers of the righteous availeth much!

One More Step

On Friday, we were driving to a volleyball match to watch our daughter Kaitlyn. Betty started checking e-mail on her cell phone while I was driving. Fortunately, there was not allot of traffic because she got to one note and let out a yell of excitement. Had there been a lot of traffic, there is no telling how many cars I might have run into because of this unexpected shock to my system. Sometimes shocks are bad things and sometimes they are good things. This was one of the variety that can only be described as VERY GOOD. All the commotion was because of a note from Children's Hope letting us know that our dossier has now been move from the national office to a regional office. Our dossier has been moved to the Bogota regional office. For those of you who may not have been through this process, this is a REALLY BIG DEAL!  It is in the regional office that you are referred a specific sibling group of children. We can now receive a referral at any time! Rejoice with us! While the referral can take days, months or years, because we have asked for an older sibling group, the referral is more likely to come fast than slow. This being our third adoption, I'd like to be able to say that this process is now "old hat" for us and that we are just patiently waiting the day.....

However, the truth of it is that we are swirling with every emotion you can possibly imagine, as if this was our first child not our 14th, 15th and maybe our 16th child. We are feeling giddy, EXCITED, jubilant, EXCITED, terrified, EXCITED, worried, EXCITED, grateful, EXCITED, awestruck... did I mention EXCITED?  We are also feeling very humble that God has allowed us this opportunity. Of all the millions of people waiting to be parents, He has chosen us to steward these little ones for Him and for His glory. He has entrusted in us the responsibility to love and nurture them, but more importantly, He believes He can trust us to raise them in the fear and admonition of the LORD, to one day at the foot of the cross to give them back to Him eternally. Pray for us that we will not fail our LORD in this undertaking. This adoption is not about us, but rather it is about the children and the relationship they will ultimately have with the Father who loves them more than we ever can. We will try to love with the same love, but know we will fall short of God's perfect love. We will do our very best and trust to God to do the rest.

Many of us have often found comfort in the many places in scripture where God's word tells us that "nothing is impossible with God"  or perhaps "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".  In my quiet time recently these promises took on a whole new perspective. Most of these verses giving us this promise point back to Genesis 18:14. This is the first place I can recall anything like this being said in scripture. In Chapter 18 of Genesis, God is promising a child to Abraham in his old age. God asks Abraham " Is anything too difficult for the LORD?" Of course the answer is no! I took comfort in connecting the verses affirming that nothing is impossible with God to a promise of a child to a man who was thought to be to old to become a father. Betty and I stand on theses promises knowing God can grant us children even at a time of life when the world around us thinks us too OLD. If you are waiting for a child, or considering adoption, can I ask you "Is anything too difficult for the LORD?"   We stand as an example of the power of God to answer prayer our prayers and yours. Rejoice with us, be encouraged and be in prayer!

Now things seem to be happening VERY fast. We continue to covet your prayers. Our prayers include:
That the referral will come
That we will finish the course
That God will provide a way for us to get a 15 passenger van or small bus
That God will allow us to somehow expand the size of our house
That He will prepare the hearts of our new little ones
That we will have safe travels
That He will give us opportunity to speak and be a voice for the fatherless
That His will be done in all things in our life

God bless you and thanks for reading our blog.

Here we go

Sometimes you wait and wait.  At other times, you are taken completely by surprise and things seem to take on a life of their own. Today was one of those days!  I sat at home and when I was least expecting it, the phone rang - and it was Children's Hope International. "Hello, is this Jim?"

"Yes".  "This is Nicole, guess what?"

I thought to myself, only two reasons for her to call - approval of our dossier, a referral or both. I dared not hope or guess both. Before I could answer, Nicole tells me, "congratulations, your dossier has been approved!"

Wow.

HOW EXCITING!!!!  This on the same day I emailed the magazine "Adoption Today" to ask if they planned to publish an article I wrote about how we came to the decision to adopt for the third time. How appropriate find out they plan to publish the article on the same day we recieve word that ICBF has approved our request to return and adopt again.

Rejoice with us over God's blessing of our family once again with the joy of children. We now anxiously wait for the referal of our new daughters. We covet your prayers and encouragement. The journey begins anew....

Jim

Last Chance

Thanks to all who have ordered shirts in support of our adoption! We will be ordering on Monday, so if you haven't ordered yet, this is your last chance.

T-Shirt Fundraiser!!!

We are happy to be introducing our first adoption fundraiser! Kaitlyn and Brianne have custom designed Colombia adoption shirts. Show you support for Colombian adoptions and while proclaiming what the Scripture has to say about adoption. The t-shirts will be available in both adult and youth sizes. The price of each shirt is $17 which includes free shipping to our out of town supporters. In order to insure that we have the a shirt for everyone that is interested we will be taking preorders until June 30, 2011. We will place the order on July 1 and keep everyone posted about when they are complete and headed to the post office. At this point, this is the only time we will be ordering this shirts so don't miss the opportunity. To place an order email us with your name, address, number of shirts you would like to order, and the size you would like. We will only be able to accept check and money order. Once you have emailed us your order we will send you the address to mail your payment to. You can click on the shirt to see a larger image.

eight.is.not.enough@gmail.com

Thanks for helping us bring our girls home from Colombia!

1st Birthday!

 

Progress

Updated dossier is on its way to Colombia as of this week!!!

Pictures

Valentines Day

Makenzie loves the piano!

Got enough pacifiers?

15 Red Roses and 2 Arrows

What do 15 roses and 2 arrows have in common? Together, they were my Valentine's gift to my wife Betty. These are not the traditional sort of valentine's gift that a wife would expect, but Betty was thrilled with them- especially the 2 arrows. Perhaps if you continue to read the post, by the end it will all make sense.

God has blessed us beyond anything we had ever imagined or hoped. He has blessed us with 13 amazing children. He has blessed us with 8 of these children through the union of our marriage, then He has given us 3 from the country of Colombia, and most recently God has blessed us with twin babies from Texas. We always wanted twins, but we just never imagined having them in our 50s. God's ways are always perfect and we have had much joy as the parents of this widely diverse "bakers dozen". Had we ever stopped to consider how WE could manage this, we would have been terrified and probably would have run away .... fast.

Fortunately we trusted God for His plan and His provisioning and could not imagine life without any of our children. We have come to recognize that our primary purpose in life - our ministry if you will- is to raise up children who love God and seek to serve Him. My wife Betty is the most amazing person I know. Period. She has been an amazing mom and makes being the mother of 13 look like child's play.

Back in April, we made a post to this blog that a funny thing happened on our way back to Colombia- that was the announcement that God had sent us the babies we had prayed for in a time of life that we could not expect to have babies of our own anymore. God had closed Betty's womb, but He had still given us a desire in our heart for His children. We had prayed for babies without ever expecting we would have one again. As we like to quote around our house, we often would say that with God nothing is impossible. And so as He has done before, starting with Abraham and Sarah, with Hannah - He has done with us, He saw fit to give us the desire of our hearts and sent us the twins through adoption. Isaiah's middle name is Samuel as he is a gift to us in our later years, Makenzie's middle names are Joy Elizabeth as a recognition of the joy God has given us through her life. God gave us the desire of our hearts times two! WOW! A week after we had been given the twins, we received notice from Colombia that the dossier to return to Colombia to adopt a sibling group of two girls had been approved. We had to put this approval on hold for a year because you must wait a year between adoptions with our agencies Colombia program. When we welcomed Isaiah and Makenzie into our family many asked us, are you still going to finish the second Colombia adoption. We said we didn't know because we were just basking in the joy that the two babies brought into our life.

As time went by we knew we needed to decide if we would keep our approval to return to Colombia current or did God simply want us to let go. The babies had brought us so much joy, but we could not escape the feeling that God was calling us to return to Colombia for the girls He has for us there. The family all felt this calling. Betty , Kaitlyn and Brianne felt it most strongly and always felt we would return to Colombia. For me is was not so clear. I have been struggling to discern God's will for this as the leader of our family. I knew if we surrendered to this call, God would fully take care of all the details. For me it was difficult, I remained deeply in prayer for weeks desiring to know God's will in this. I knew the hearts of Betty, Brianne and Kaitlyn. The younger kids I did not know. So what does a Dad do when he doesn't know? Well completely out of character for me --- I asked them what they thought about going through with the 3rd adoption. You would think they would say something like NO WAY. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am amazed at how God has knit these children of mine together. Here are some of the things they said:

I asked them if they had thought adoption had been a good thing for our family- They all answered with a resounding YES!

I asked them if they thought we should adopt again- YES!

I asked the first three kids we adopted if they were glad we adopted them - YES!

We asked the adopted kids if they thought we had treated them the same as the other kids - YES!

I asked my biological kids if the experience of having siblings of another race had changed how they view people who are "not like them" (we now have Hispanic children and the twins are half Hispanic and half African American). They answered:

"It made me realize we are all the same inside"

"My view hasn't changed, they are the same as me and you"

"I used to notice what race people were when I came in contact with them, now I don't even notice."

"Color doesn't matter"

"No, I always felt like it is important to look at someone not by their looks, but instead at who they are as a person."

Answers that can only encourage the heart of their dad.

I asked the first three we adopted what were the three best things about being in our family- one of them told me one of the best things was that we had never lost him. When I asked what he meant, I quickly discovered he was happy that we had never abandoned him as his biological mother had - and I wept over this answer. He has been through so much.

I asked our biological kids if there was anything from their life before adoption that they missed- NO!

One child told us he thought we should get a bigger van and adopt more kids.

I asked my older girls what did they think of adoption 4 years ago and what do you think of it now-

"I thought 4 years ago it was a fun adventure. Now that I have experience it, I know it is sometimes a difficult journey, but the end results are so worth it."

"My views about adoption have changed a lot in the last 4 years. Before we started this process I really didn't know a lot about adoption. I now know that we are all called to help care for orphans. We all need to obey God's command regarding orphans. Not only are orphans blessed through the process, but it also changes everyone involved in the process."

What are the three best things that have resulted from these two adoptions-

"Seeing other people (outside our family) being touched and helping orphans in some way"

"My faith and trust in God has been changed"

What is different in our family that you least expected-

"I never guessed how much this adoption would impact my relationship with God. I am so amazed at how God knew exactly what these kids needed and felt we were worthy to give them that."

Do you think adoption has been a good thing or a bad thing? Why?

"Adoption has been a good thing for our family. It has changed each and everyone of our lives. The kids have been accepted into a loving family and have hope for the future. We have all been blessed with the smiles, laughter, hugs ect... It also tested our faith in many ways causing us to trust and rely on God. We have also seen the amazing way that God provides for the orphans. Lastly, we have met new people (families) and developed relationships with them."

Finally, in response to my question should we adopt again, my daughter Brianne tells her Daddy: "We have love to give to more kids. They sit in Colombia with very little promise for a future. Each day these kids dream of finding a mom and dad who will love them. Yes, we all make mistakes. Maybe you aren't the "perfect" parent, but guess what- due to our fallen, sinful nature, none of us can ever be the perfect parent. You have been a wonderfully amazing Godly role model to me. I could never ask for a better dad. You are striving to obey God in the way you raise us. That is a precious gift to us kids. You are loving, caring, kind and go out of your way to make sure we are supported, loved and raised to honor God. We have love, room and resources to give. How can we say no to these kids? How can we not share our love? How can we not give some child hope for the future?" She then turned the table on me and said: "Now can I ask you what is holding you back? I would love to pray for you that God would give you a clear answer."

After reading this final answer on the final page of answered questions, I was absolutely floored. I was humbled. I was amazed at the depth of these thoughts. I was amazed at how much more clearly my children saw this than did I. If I was holding on to any doubts, at that moment I simply let go. God had used my children to show me His answer- His plan for our family. If God's plan is for us to go- then we would have it no other way. His ways are perfect. To paraphrase from His word:

I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD. Plans to profit you not to harm you. As a family we now move forward- each and every one excited for the LORD to fully reveal these plans - to reveal the children He has wanted to bless us with. WE ARE SO EXCITED- REJOICE WITH US.

Now back to the title of this post. 15 red roses and two arrows. God gave me clarity that His plan was for us to return to Colombia right before Valentine's Day. So my gifts to Betty (who waited patiently for me to clearly discern God's will for our family), were 15 red roses - one for each of our children including the two whom we have not met, and two arrows. The two arrows are symbolic of the two arrows we know God intends to lovingly place in our quiver- and now our prayer is that may He place them there soon.

Jim

December/January

The babies first snow.

Thanksgiving Cuties

Just Remember

The following is an article I wrote that first appeared in the magazine Adoption Today (December 2010 issue). I also had another article pubished in the June 2010 issue. You can link to Adoption Today's website at www.adoptinfo.net. Hope you enjoy my article, it feels really weird to write something for publication since I am a dad and NOT an author! Anyway, here it is:

Just Remember…

Sometimes words of wisdom come from unexpected people. Sometimes words of wisdom are given to us and we completely miss their value in the moment they are spoken. I was the beneficiary of words of wisdom early in our adoption of a sibling group of three children from Colombia, but for a season I completely missed the depth and importance of a small phrase that began with “just remember”.

When we received Jason, Tatiana, and Luke into our family, I had been a dad for 29 years and still had 5 minor children in my home. I thought I had this fatherhood thing pretty well figured out. Boy was I wrong! As I reflect back over the past two years with these three children, I have come to realize that parenting adopted children from the third world (especially when they come into your family as older children) requires some completely different parenting skills. They come to your family after having lived through some tough life circumstances and these life experiences often represent unique challenges to us as parents. Our new children had lived though extreme poverty and multiple parental abandonments.

Shortly before leaving for Colombia, we met a young couple in our church from Colombia. This couple did not yet have any children of their own, but wanted to offer their help with our adopted children when we returned home. We were very grateful and encouraged to have their help, especially since we knew very little Spanish. We maintained a blog (eightisnotenough.blogspot.com) for our adoption and made daily entries while we were in Bogota. After being in Bogota for only a few days, our new found friend Alvaro left a comment to one of our journal entries. He told us, “Just remember, these children are going to live every moment as if there is no tomorrow, because in their lives there has been no tomorrow.”

At the point that I read these words, I thought to myself, that the comment made complete sense. We were still in the phase where the kids were bouncing off the walls, eating everything in sight, and trying to play with every toy we have – all at the same time. At that moment his comments completely described the outward actions we were observing in our new kids! But… I completely missed the significance of this statement as it related to what was going on inside their heads, especially Jason, the oldest. When we got back to our home in Kansas, I would remember these words as Jason, Tatiana and Luke would try to eat everything at the table – I knew they had known starvation in the truest sense of the word. Of course they would want to eat excessively; their life experience told them that tomorrow they might be staving again. They would play with a toy only for a moment, and then they would run to the next toy, and the next and the next; their life experience told them that what they had today would be gone tomorrow. They needed to get to every toy because they might never have another chance to play with these toys. They would constantly want to be physically close to us as their new parents; their life experience told them they had to hold on tightly because we too might abandon them. Yes, I could see that these precious children lived as if there was no tomorrow- on the outside.

I don’t know if Alvaro had intended deeper meaning in his words when he spoke them, but for me they have come to be the most profound advise were ever given. They encapsulate the essence of the challenge I faced in becoming a cross cultural adoptive parent. As I reflect backwards, I have come to realize the value of these words are not in understanding the actions of my children, but rather in their significance regarding who my children are inside- what it is that makes them tick. The real challenge is not to convince them there will be food on the table again tomorrow. The real challenge is to help them to understand that there is something called tomorrow, that they can live outside of THIS moment. After two years, we have worked through a great many things with our Colombian children. We are sure that they love and trust us. We believe that they know we love them in return.

“Just remember, these children are going to live every moment as if there is no tomorrow, because in their lives there has been no tomorrow.” What these words point to is the challenge we face as adoptive parents to help our children develop a new world view. For these kids, there is no concept of a tomorrow. They know what the definition of the word tomorrow means, but for them as a concept it has never existed. How do you help someone to make such a radical change I their perception of reality? How do you motivate them to make good choices even when nobody is looking? How do you convey to a child of adversity that they can let go of their survival instincts and desires for self gratification? How do you train a child to follow the social mores and household rules you have set while trusting you to meet their physical, emotional and spiritual needs and desires in this thing called tomorrow?

We have taught these children to understand that good choices result in good consequences. They understand that bad choices result in bad consequences. While they understand this intellectually, and have grown through a lot of good and bad choices, they seem unwilling or unable to act in the present with any regard for the future consequences of their actions. In this world view as it relates to present actions, the future does not seam to exist. It is far more important to enjoy the pleasure of the moment than to act in such a way as to ensure bigger, better and longer lasting pleasures in the future. As a Christian family, we have trusted in Proverb 22:6 which taught us to “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” What I have learned from Alvaro’s advice is that with Jason, Luke and Tatiana, we first had to invest a great deal of time untraining things from the past before we could “train them in the way they should go”. As I have come to understand Alvaro’s advice, I can now focus my efforts as a dad on helping Jason, Tatiana and Luke to live beyond the moment. We are teaching them not to just trust us as their parents, but also to trust that there will be a bright tomorrow for them filled with opportunities they never dared to imagine or hope for in those difficult circumstances of their early life.

God bless,

Jim