December/January

The babies first snow.

Thanksgiving Cuties

Just Remember

The following is an article I wrote that first appeared in the magazine Adoption Today (December 2010 issue). I also had another article pubished in the June 2010 issue. You can link to Adoption Today's website at www.adoptinfo.net. Hope you enjoy my article, it feels really weird to write something for publication since I am a dad and NOT an author! Anyway, here it is:

Just Remember…

Sometimes words of wisdom come from unexpected people. Sometimes words of wisdom are given to us and we completely miss their value in the moment they are spoken. I was the beneficiary of words of wisdom early in our adoption of a sibling group of three children from Colombia, but for a season I completely missed the depth and importance of a small phrase that began with “just remember”.

When we received Jason, Tatiana, and Luke into our family, I had been a dad for 29 years and still had 5 minor children in my home. I thought I had this fatherhood thing pretty well figured out. Boy was I wrong! As I reflect back over the past two years with these three children, I have come to realize that parenting adopted children from the third world (especially when they come into your family as older children) requires some completely different parenting skills. They come to your family after having lived through some tough life circumstances and these life experiences often represent unique challenges to us as parents. Our new children had lived though extreme poverty and multiple parental abandonments.

Shortly before leaving for Colombia, we met a young couple in our church from Colombia. This couple did not yet have any children of their own, but wanted to offer their help with our adopted children when we returned home. We were very grateful and encouraged to have their help, especially since we knew very little Spanish. We maintained a blog (eightisnotenough.blogspot.com) for our adoption and made daily entries while we were in Bogota. After being in Bogota for only a few days, our new found friend Alvaro left a comment to one of our journal entries. He told us, “Just remember, these children are going to live every moment as if there is no tomorrow, because in their lives there has been no tomorrow.”

At the point that I read these words, I thought to myself, that the comment made complete sense. We were still in the phase where the kids were bouncing off the walls, eating everything in sight, and trying to play with every toy we have – all at the same time. At that moment his comments completely described the outward actions we were observing in our new kids! But… I completely missed the significance of this statement as it related to what was going on inside their heads, especially Jason, the oldest. When we got back to our home in Kansas, I would remember these words as Jason, Tatiana and Luke would try to eat everything at the table – I knew they had known starvation in the truest sense of the word. Of course they would want to eat excessively; their life experience told them that tomorrow they might be staving again. They would play with a toy only for a moment, and then they would run to the next toy, and the next and the next; their life experience told them that what they had today would be gone tomorrow. They needed to get to every toy because they might never have another chance to play with these toys. They would constantly want to be physically close to us as their new parents; their life experience told them they had to hold on tightly because we too might abandon them. Yes, I could see that these precious children lived as if there was no tomorrow- on the outside.

I don’t know if Alvaro had intended deeper meaning in his words when he spoke them, but for me they have come to be the most profound advise were ever given. They encapsulate the essence of the challenge I faced in becoming a cross cultural adoptive parent. As I reflect backwards, I have come to realize the value of these words are not in understanding the actions of my children, but rather in their significance regarding who my children are inside- what it is that makes them tick. The real challenge is not to convince them there will be food on the table again tomorrow. The real challenge is to help them to understand that there is something called tomorrow, that they can live outside of THIS moment. After two years, we have worked through a great many things with our Colombian children. We are sure that they love and trust us. We believe that they know we love them in return.

“Just remember, these children are going to live every moment as if there is no tomorrow, because in their lives there has been no tomorrow.” What these words point to is the challenge we face as adoptive parents to help our children develop a new world view. For these kids, there is no concept of a tomorrow. They know what the definition of the word tomorrow means, but for them as a concept it has never existed. How do you help someone to make such a radical change I their perception of reality? How do you motivate them to make good choices even when nobody is looking? How do you convey to a child of adversity that they can let go of their survival instincts and desires for self gratification? How do you train a child to follow the social mores and household rules you have set while trusting you to meet their physical, emotional and spiritual needs and desires in this thing called tomorrow?

We have taught these children to understand that good choices result in good consequences. They understand that bad choices result in bad consequences. While they understand this intellectually, and have grown through a lot of good and bad choices, they seem unwilling or unable to act in the present with any regard for the future consequences of their actions. In this world view as it relates to present actions, the future does not seam to exist. It is far more important to enjoy the pleasure of the moment than to act in such a way as to ensure bigger, better and longer lasting pleasures in the future. As a Christian family, we have trusted in Proverb 22:6 which taught us to “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” What I have learned from Alvaro’s advice is that with Jason, Luke and Tatiana, we first had to invest a great deal of time untraining things from the past before we could “train them in the way they should go”. As I have come to understand Alvaro’s advice, I can now focus my efforts as a dad on helping Jason, Tatiana and Luke to live beyond the moment. We are teaching them not to just trust us as their parents, but also to trust that there will be a bright tomorrow for them filled with opportunities they never dared to imagine or hope for in those difficult circumstances of their early life.

God bless,

Jim

A New Begining

Last week, we flew to San Antonio, Texas for a new beginning for Makenzie and Isaiah. The laws in Texas require you to have a child in your home for six months before you can finalize an adoption. Last week we returned to Texas for the finalization in the court and a new beginning for us as a family. We have realized from the start that Isaiah and Makenzie were brought into our lives by the providence of our almighty God. But this knowledge does not keep the unsettled feeling in your stomach away when you have to go into the court to stand before the judge you have never met. Our trust in Him never left us, but I must admit we were nervous- my brother Frank prayed with us when we got to the court house- prayers that helped us in this time. We also had never met our lawyer! Our adoption agency just told us to meet him at the elevator on the second floor of the courthouse- "don't worry if he is late". An hour later a gentleman came to us and said "I'm Ron Prince your lawyer!" From there it was a joy filled and uneventfully conclusion to our 6 month wait. We were only before the judge for about 5 minutes and the adoption decree was signed. With the stroke of his pen, the judge made legal what God had indelibly written on our hearts months before. After he signed our adoption decree, the judge invited us behind the bench for a photo opportunity. As of 2:10 pm 3 December 2010, Makenzie and Isaiah are now our children in the eyes of the law and in the all seeing eyes of our Heavenly Father. Praise Him!

We got back home at 2:15 am Saturday morning- crazy busy 2 days! We had arranged to have a baby dedication service the following day. It was such a blessing to share this time with our church family and mutually commit to sheppard these young hearts and lead them to an eternal relationship with Jesus. It was my incredible privilege to speak a blessing over them as part of the dedication. Parts of this blessing below are borrowed and parts of it are my original words. Here is the blessing I gave to Makenzie and Isaiah:

Isaiah and Makenzie,
Each of you are an amazing blessing to your mother and I. You are the babies we have prayed for in a time of our life when we were to old to expect we would ever have babies again. We prayed for you knowing God was able to grant you as the desire of our hearts, but yet our faith was too small to expect that He would. We are so grateful to Him for you.

It was the Hebrew father’s place in the traditional Jewish home in the time of Jesus to bless his children, this tradition began with Isaac and Jacob. As your earthly father I am delegated by God as the spiritual head over our home and family and by His authority I speak this blessing into your lives.

Isaiah and Makenzie, I bless your entire life and every aspect of it. You are children under the New Covenant God made with His Son Jesus the Christ as the perfect and final sacrifice for your redemption. “Isaiah and Makenzie, I bless you in the name of Jesus, proclaiming the blessings of God, my Redeemer, upon you. May He give you wisdom, a reverential fear of God, and a heart of love for Him and His people.

I bless you with His Protection. Throughout your entire life may He go before you and prepare all of your paths. May He go behind you to be your rear guard, that attacks of the enemy shall in no way be able to reach you. May He place an impenetrable hedge about you all of your days so that no harm will befall you. For through this Blessing God has put His name on you, those who curse you shall know God's wrath and those who bless you shall know God's blessing.

Isaiah and Makenzie, I ask that God bless you with good health, that disease and infirmities shall never prevent you from accomplishing God’s great purpose in your life. Isaiah, God has already given you a thorn in your flesh, may He also give you wisdom to understand why and opportunity to touch other lives for Him because of it. I ask God that both you will grow strong and healthy in body, mind and soul. May He create in you the desire to attend to His words, a willing and obedient heart that you may consent and submit to His sayings and walk in His ways. May your eyes look straight ahead with purpose for the future. May you always speak the truth in love. May your hands do the works of the Father; may your feet walk the paths that He has foreordained for you. I could have no greater joy than to hear that you my children are living your lives in His truth.

I bless your relationships, that you will take the lessons you will learn as part of a multiracial home and be comfortable meeting and conversing with all people. Makenzie, you have eyes that seam to search to the very depth of my soul. May this be a reflection of who you will become, that you will look at and respond to the depth a person's character – who they are in the heart of God- rather than what they look like on the outside. Both of you are an important person and in the eyes of God there is no person who has greater value than you. Likewise there is no other person who can fulfill the purpose God has created for you. Your family will always love, nurture and support you. Short of marriage, no other earthly relationship will be more important to you. But even within your family, the two of you as twins have a special bond that few will ever understand completely. God has given me a small glimpse of how special this relationship is- be blessed in your relationship with one and other as unity will always be strong with you. May the Lord prepare you and your future mates to love and honor one another, and may He grant to your unions many upright sons and daughters who will live in accordance with His Word. May your source of livelihood be honorable and secure, so that you will earn a living with your own hands. May you always worship God in spirit and in truth.

I bless you with peace and happiness. May your smiles brighten many lives and may laughter be your lifelong companion.

By God’s authority I have spoke this blessing to you. Because it is spoken by His authority it is unfettered by earthly boundaries and is not subject to any limitation of man. Therefore I charge you to walk in confidence, be strong and courageous.

Dad

Pictures

Mama's little helpers

Concerning Isaiah

A lot has been going on with Isaiah. We have been trying to get everything we could figured out before sharing any of it. There was so much we just didn’t know- and some we may never know. Anyway here is an update on our son Isaiah:

First we know that he is a precious gift to us from the LORD. God has given him into our hand in such a way that we can be assured he is ours and we are his Mom and Dad. The funny thing is that the initial agreement we signed in this adoption was to become his guardians. In Texas, it takes six months to finalize an adoption. Our agreement allows for us to give the twins back in any time during the first six months or for the adoption agency to take them back any time in the first six months. Isn’t this a sad commentary on the low value that our society places on children and families? Isaiah is NOT a pair of pants to be returned to Wal-Mart when we discover he doesn’t “fit” or when we find a flaw in the fabric. Isaiah is our son and we praise God for allowing us to be a part of this little man’s life. It is our great privilege to steward him on God’s behalf, to watch him grow, to watch him laugh, to watch him fall down and get back up, yes even to share the love of his true Father who sent Christ to die for us and for Isaiah. We have now been parents for over 31 years, and still we cherish every day and look forward to what God has planned for Isaiah.

Second, we knew almost from the day we became his parents, that he had a short optic nerve. As it turns out both his optic nerves are short, but the right much more so than the left. This condition is called optic nerve hyperplasia. We were told that it could mean that he might have limited vision, or possibly cause him to be blind. Yet this did not change our love for him or our determination to be his parents. As he grew we knew he had vision in both eyes- which is very good and a relief for Betty and I. As time passed, we did begin to notice his right eye crossed a lot. Some of our other kids have had this problem. We took him to see a pediatric optimoligist we have used for years. She agreed with his previous diagnosis. She examined his eyes and told us Isaiah’s vision is very good in both eyes- nothing she would correct at this point, perhaps a bit near sighted though. Then she began what has been for us a several week investigation into neurophysiology. She explained in many cases of optic nerve hyperplasia there is also something wrong behind the optic nerve; she wanted us to have an MRI of Isaiah’s brain. This was a bit unsettling, but we know that God had given us Isaiah and he would empower us for anything that might lie ahead. There is a very unpleasant syndrome that is associated with optic nerve hyperplasia where portions of the brain do not fully develop. The areas of concern were: where the two optic nerves cross, the connection between the two halves of his brain and the outer covering of the brain. The MRI has shown that all of these physiological possibilities are not a problem with Isaiah. This rules out any problems with his brain.

The second area commonly affected with optic nerve hyperplasia is the pituitary gland. This gland is essentially the control center of the body, producing many essential hormones. The next step after the MRI was for us to get Isaiah to see a pediatric endocrinologist. This was normally to take 2-4 moths to get an appointment. After seeing the MRI, the endocrinologist worked us in the following Monday. In all of this God has given us an incredible peace to go along with the deep love He gave us for Isaiah. We knew something was up to get an appointment that fast. The diagnosis is that Isaiah’s pituitary gland is a bit smaller than it should be. This is NOT something that he will grow out of. We are still awaiting the results of several blood tests to tell us if the pituitary is keeping up with the hormone production Isaiah needs. The endocrinologist was GREAT. He explained all the symptoms and warning signs we should be looking for should the pituitary be failing to keep up. Isaiah will have blood drawn and visit the endocrinologist every 4 months for the first two years and then once or twice a year probably for the rest of his life. We will go more often when and if his pituitary isn’t keeping up. The doctor was very encouraged with his physical examination of Isaiah. His impression pending blood tests is that everything is working as it should right now. This can change at any time as he grows. His growing body may at some point exceed the ability of his pituitary gland to keep up. At this point we just don’t know if that will happen, and quite honestly it doesn’t matter to us. God had allowed us the amazing opportunity to be Isaiah’s parents, as I have said we have amazing peace with all of this and know in our love for our son and God’s great love for all three of us, we have great joy.

There are many hormones produced by the pituitary. We think, should there be hormonal shortcomings, that he will be able to make up the difference with hormone therapy. Most people have wanted to know what problems might develop. Therefore, we want to share the possibilities as we currently understand them (we still have a lot to learn). Growth hormones may not be produced in sufficient quantities. Hormones that regulate sodium, potassium, and other critical mineral absorption may fall too low. Hormones that regulate sexual maturation (physiology) may fall too low. Hormones that regulate his body’s stress response can fall too low- this hormone is the one that triggers his body to fight off infections and disease. At this point everything appears to be normal and we will be watching out for the warning signs of change.

There is nothing in this that you should be sorry about or worry over. Isaiah is fearfully and wonderfully made according God’s perfect plan for his life and ours. His bright smile touches the hearts of everyone he meets. We know that God chose us to be Isaiah’s parents, and he is a blessing to us beyond measure. We often in Christian circles talk about being prolife. But do we mean that we are prolife or do we just mean that we are anti abortion. Betty and I are unashamedly prolife. To us this means far more than opposing abortion. It means placing value on every human life that God creates. God does not create junk or accidents. We believe there is value in the elderly, value in the unborn, value in the orphans and widows, yes even value in a tiny seven month old boy named Isaiah with an under developed pituitary gland. All have value and are a significant part of God’s plan for His people and His creation. Because there was infinite value in a tiny babe in a manger, we have a restored relationship with our Heavenly Father who creates each of us with value and purpose. Isaiah has great purpose and Betty and I hope we will be faithful stewards of him on behalf of the LORD. God knew Isaiah when he was knit together in his mother’s womb and has created him according to the perfect blueprint He drew up for Isaiah Samuel. We live in a fallen world that would encourage us to take Isaiah back to the adoption agency. The world around us would say that we should not be burdened with these potential medical problems. The world would say it’s not your problem. We are so glad that the Spirit of God who dwells within us, assures us that we are not of this world, it is this Spirit that allows us to shout “thank you LORD for blessing us with Isaiah, for allowing us the privilege of being his Mom and Dad.”

Jim and Betty

August, 12, 2010

It is hard to believe that summer is almost over. It has gone by way to fast and we did not get those things done we had planned this year but we have done quite a few better things. Makenzie and Isaiah continue to grow by leaps and bounds. Makenzie is now 12lbs13oz and Isaiah is 10lbs 11oz. They are doing great. Both are starting to be very interactive. They will coo and laugh at you when you talk to them.

Isaiah had his surgery and did wonderfully. He is fully recovered. The doc and the hospital were both excellent.

What have we done this summer? We spent alot of time bonding with babies, went to the CHI adoption reunion in St. Louis and went to Daytona Beach with my parents. The boys played some baseball and the girls did a dance camp. We did sneak in a few swimming trips as well.I think we are actually ready for fall and cooler weather. Maybe even more school although we never really quit for the summer. The beauty of homeschool!

Settling Into a Routine

It has been several weeks since we updated all of you on how things are going. Sorry for not being active on the blog- I think it has something to do with all the middle of the night feedings! When we get Makenzie and Isaiah down for the night, Betty and I have started to make a mad dash for our pillows. I'm not the spring chicken I once was! :-) We always wanted to have twins, just weren't planning on it in our 50s! All kidding aside we do consider it all joy. When we were young, we thought getting up to babies was such a burden. I can honestly say this time it is not a burden at all, just 100 percent JOY (feeling joy and feeling sleepy are compatible feelings- just for the record). We have prayed for a baby every since God quit allowing us to conceive. He has answered our prayers with TWO babies, how could every moment not be a joy? We keep saying to ourselves, there are two of them and two of us, how hard can it be? Those of you who can remember the old Dunkin Doughnut commercials may remember the one where the doughnut man met himself at the door- one of him was coming home and he was also on his way out the door to make the doughnuts. We had a few of those moments early on, when we though we were meeting ourselves coming and going, ahhh but when you are holding a sweet baby in your arms......

We have now settled into a bit of a routine, most nights Makenzie sleeps 6-7 hours has a bottle and then sleeps another 2 or 3 hours. Isaiah usually gets up one time more per night than his sister. The schedule is very manageable now. Thanks for your prayers. Thanks also to our daughters Brianne and Kaitlyn- they are an incredible help. If 4 hands are better than 2, how much better are 8 hands! Josh even helps when we need him too.

It has been such an encouragement to watch our biological kids and adopted Colombian kids receive the twins with such joy and enthusiasm. Many have asked us how the Colombian kids were handling it as we only adopted them about a year and a half ago. Amazingly well - they love the babies to pieces. They do not feel threatened or in any way jealous.

Since we have been home with Makenzie and Isaiah we have been notified that our dossier that is in Colombia for two girls was approved! This approval came the first time through- no follow up questions from ICBF. Very unexpected, but we had to put the dossier on hold for 1 year based on ICBF requirements. Please pray that God would give us discernment for what to do about this when the decision time comes. We desire above all else to be faithful to Him.

We will be having a consult with a pediatric surgeon this week on Wednesday. Isaiah needs to have hernia surgery. One surgeon has told us it is the 2nd largest one he has ever seen. So there is some sense of urgency to get it taken care of. Those of you who have ever had you children out under anesthesia know what an unsettling thing this will be. We trust God and at the same time covet all of your prayers. We have been told that around 50% of all preemie boys need this surgery.

The 4th picture is our puppy Oreo. We got her late last winter- not expecting babies in the spring! Timing is everything don't you think?

God bless each of you.

Jim and Betty

Pictures

Everyone is doing great! Just wanted to post a few pictures. We will try to update you soon.