Families choose to pursue adoption for many reasons. With eight biological children ranging in age from 30 to 6, and three adopted children we have been richly blessed. So you might ask why would we, after 30 years of parenting with all its joys and challenges, choose to expand our family through the gift of adoption. The answer is really quite simple. A few years ago, God began to raise up in our hearts an intense desire to adopt. While the calling has been there for years, our willingness to answer that calling was not. We struggled with many of the same doubts I suppose most potential adoptive parents struggle with. Among these doubts were:
1) We have EIGHT children – how can we ever afford to care for more?
2) Adoption can be EXPENSIVE – where will WE (not God!) find the money to pay for adoption?
3) If we adopt can we ever LOVE the adopted children as we love our “own”?
4) Will the new children be able to INTEGRATE with and be EMBRACED by our current children?
5) Will the adopted children be ACCEPTED by friends and family?
6) Doubts…. on and on and on
As we prayerfully considered God’s call on our hearts to adopt, we came to recognize that these doubts were of the enemy and not of God.
In November of 2007, we took the first step of faith and submitted our application to adopt a sibling group of three or four to Children’s Hope International. For us it was truly a step of faith. We knew that in our minds, we could not fathom how this could all be worked out, and so we did the only thing we knew to do- we surrendered to God in every way and simply prayed: “God we know this is your purpose for us and we leave the details of the process and the provisioning to you.” We resolved to do our part to the utmost of our abilities holding nothing back. We then trusted that God would do all the things that seemed to big or even impossible to us. We have now had our three adopted children Jason, Tatiana and Luke with us for over a year. We are a living testimony to the power of God to change lives and answer prayer. He has gone far beyond the answers to these doubts along the way. Truly, God IS faithful, especially when we are faithful to follow the paths He sets before us.
Doubt number one. We have EIGHT children – how can we ever afford to care for more? This doubt should have been laughed away as soon as it reared its ugly head. With eight children we had lived for many years as an example for many of God’s promises. He has promised in Matthew 6:26 “that as He cares for the birds of the air He will care for us even more”. Psalm 127 promises that children are a blessing (not a burden). Philippians 4:6 tells us “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” As the “family with all the children” we often quoted these verses and many others as a testimony to those who would ask how we could manage with so many kids. Yet in the calling to adopt, WE were the doubters who needed assurance and to trust in these promises. We eventually recognized that God was big enough to provide for as many children (biological or adopted) as He chose to send our way. We just need to be open to receiving His good gifts. Even now with eleven children, our heart remains open to more.
Doubt number two. Adoption can be EXPENSIVE – where will WE (not God!) find the money to pay for it? The basis for this doubt evaporated when we remembered that where we are inadequate God is able. When we began the journey to adopt, we had no clue how we would pay for this, but trusted that God had the plan. A few weeks after we began the process, the LORD began to reveal His plan to us. One night in January, we heard our doorbell ring. Upon opening the door, we found nobody there. As we closed the door a flash of red caught our eye. On the door knob was a red stocking containing some chocolate coins, a copy of the story of St. Nicholas, and six hundred dollars in cash. Someone responding to the call from the giver of every perfect gift and gave to us in secret. We were so humbled and grateful, there was nothing we could do but praise Him – and we wept. And so began God’s provisioning for our adoption, some gave to us where only God could see and others openly. But all gave from a heart for the plight of the orphans we would someday be blessed to call our children. God worked out every need and detail and we day by day were astonished. One gift came in the mail- it was exactly the amount we needed for the next and largest payment due to our adoption agency. We applied for several grants- all were declined. God’s plan did not depend on our works or efforts, but rather it depended on His mercy. The testimony remains His and all the results point back to Him. How He must have laughed at our worries over the costs!
Doubt number three. If we adopt can we ever LOVE the adopted children as we love our “own”? This was probably the least of our doubts. We had experience 8 biological children over a span of 24 years. All our lives we always had abounding love for each new child in our family. We knew we COULD do it. Our doubt was more like WOULD we do it? We vividly recall when we received the referral for our children. We wondered things like; do they know about us yet, will they love us, will they bond to us as their parents. But once we knew their story and saw their faces, we had no doubt that we loved them. We arrived in Bogota, Colombia around midnight and were told we would leave to pick up our children at 8:00 am the next morning. No time for doubting now. The next day when these three beautiful children entered the crowded room where we waited, our hearts melted. As a dad, I didn’t get to carry 8 children to term as my wife Betty did, but I can say I had never had a stronger emotional experience that being with her when our children were born. I was sure there could be no equal experience. I was wrong- the exact same emotional tidal wide hit me that day- yes we could love these children with the same love.
Doubt number four. Will the new children be able to INTEGRATE with and be EMBRACED by our current children? Our three older children were very much supportive of our plan to adopt. However, they were grown and on their own. Our two older daughters who lived at home felt this calling to adopt as strongly as we did- again we had no worry there. This doubt revolved around our 8 and 10 year old sons and our 5 year old daughter. Our new children would be 8, 5 and 4. We wondered about the relationships of all six of this 10 and under crowd! The first 2 months after our adoption did little to give us a peace about this. At times it seemed as if we had two distinct groups of kids in one house. We had been warned that we might not start seeing the kids truly integrate until at least six months had passed. We would not be able to put our finger on just when it happened, but after six months together as a family we are a million miles ahead of where we expected. Our two 5 year old daughters are inseparable going through the house hand in hand. The three young boys spend all their time together. Ah, and our 4 year old son Luke knows he is as cute as they come and plays that cuteness to everyone in the house. What of our 14 and 19 year old daughters? They are already making their plans to be adoptive parents one day. To say that these kids are embraced and integrated into our clan is an UNDERSTATEMENT.
Doubt number five. Will the adopted children be ACCEPTED by friends and family? God resolved this doubt for us right away. The outpouring of support we received was amazing. Family not only encouraged us, they became prayer partners, financial backers and much needed emotional support. No one thought we were crazy- they all seemed to understand our calling in this and could see God’s hand in it. No one said, “You’re too old”. No one said, “You’re making a mistake”. All of our family and friends embraced the adoption. Wow- not what we expected, but just what God had planned. People gave us clothes, car seats; all of our needs were met. The children have been welcomed into our community, our family and our church – without hesitation or limitation.
As we reflect backward in time, we laugh to one and other that we ever felt any fears, doubts or worries. Things are always much clearer when we reflect backwards in time rather than towards the future. The past is complete but the future requires faith. We have travelled down this path that has been our adoption journey with the strength and energy that can only come from the LORD. The way has sometimes felt like a roller coaster ride and at other times it has been a peaceful stroll in a forest glade. We know however, that had we not stepped out by faith we would never have experience the joy of this life changing journey. Many years ago, when I was a young man of 20, I had a fear of heights. I determined that I would overcome this fear, and since I lived in Alaska at the time, I decide I would take up mountain climbing! Now I climbed to a number of mountain tops, but I never over came my fear of heights. I did however learn to climb ever higher by controlling my fears rather than allowing them to have control of my life. This realization became a lifelong lesson that allowed me to step outside of my comfort zone. At first I took these steps by the strength of my will, but later after surrendering my life to Jesus I took much bigger steps out of my comfort zone in faith, but more importantly by the inexhaustible strength of Him who guides me. This adoption journey has been one of these steps. It has been a voyage we might have missed had it not been for the perfect tour guide who showed us and provisioned for every step of the way. The poet Robert Frost once wrote, “two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference”. In our lives, God sometimes gives us a fork in the road. We too can choose the path least travel by the world around us. I promise you that once you take your first step down that path least traveled, it will make all the difference – in your life and for the great purpose that God has set you on this course.
We are now a family of 13, and if you have been following our blog, you know we hope to soon be a family of 15! While my wife Betty is the most amazing person I know, we are not perfect parents nor are we the perfect family. But then we weren’t perfect before our adoption. I do know and take comfort in this- one day we will be perfected together in the loving arms He who said “suffer not the little children”.
Jim
August, 12, 2010
It has been several weeks since we updated all of you on how things are going. Sorry for not being active on the blog- I think it has something to do with all the middle of the night feedings! When we get Makenzie and Isaiah down for the night, Betty and I have started to make a mad dash for our pillows. I'm not the spring chicken I once was! :-) We always wanted to have twins, just weren't planning on it in our 50s! All kidding aside we do consider it all joy. When we were young, we thought getting up to babies was such a burden. I can honestly say this time it is not a burden at all, just 100 percent JOY (feeling joy and feeling sleepy are compatible feelings- just for the record). We have prayed for a baby every since God quit allowing us to conceive. He has answered our prayers with TWO babies, how could every moment not be a joy? We keep saying to ourselves, there are two of them and two of us, how hard can it be? Those of you who can remember the old Dunkin Doughnut commercials may remember the one where the doughnut man met himself at the door- one of him was coming home and he was also on his way out the door to make the doughnuts. We had a few of those moments early on, when we though we were meeting ourselves coming and going, ahhh but when you are holding a sweet baby in your arms......
Kids with Uncle Frank and Aunt Molly
